The Rock Opera excerpts (part one)

The Velocity Gnome Rock Opera, otherwise known as "the Robocalypse -- LIVE!" was the ultimate culmination of this three year journey. We had been working on it, piece by piece, from the moment the Year Two adventure concluded, but it took much longer to realize than all the previous events from prior years combined.

The premise: drop Kolin into the middle of a staged production in front of a live audience, and put him on the spot to play his role and save the world. It was all impromptu; he wasn't warned, prepared, or coached ahead of time, but three years of interaction with the world of the Future had been preparing Kolin for this day.

All Kolin's training had led up to this moment, the final battle against the cyborg Maggie Hark, to put an end to the coming Robocalypse before it could begin. He was flown to Antioch, Ohio during the dead of winter, and the journey to the final battle began. Many elements were at once recognizable from the previous year: enigmatic characters using portentous Futurespeak, a chauffeur (this time "Leyzon, the Warrior) feeding him clues, a series of mini-trials designed to prepare him for the upcoming conflict. It was all designed to feel new, but familiar, to put Kolin at ease before we pulled out the big surprise.

At last, the hour of the final showdown arrived, and his chauffeur led Kolin into a large building, down a long hallway...into the middle of a rock opera about his own life. His entrance was timed at the beginning of the second act ("Enter Velocity Gnome"), and what an entrance it was. The band played "The Ballad of the Velocity Gnome", the crowd roared with cheers and applause at the sight of the man they had only heard rumors about, the man many had doubted would show up. And Kolin Pope stood on stage, amazed.


Having trouble viewing the video? Click here to watch on YouTube.

At that moment Kolin was, to the hundreds of people watching him live, the Velocity Gnome. For the next hour and a half of his life, he was the star of his own alternate life, given a chance to change his past and get a glimpse of his future as humanity's savior. He also met Zane Figiam and Maggie Hark (Dylan and me) in person, in costume, and on stage, for the first time in a year and a half. And this time, the circumstances were much more dire -- and more surreal than ever before.

My favorite scene came later in the rock opera, after Father Time flings Kolin into a time loop and through several moments in time from his own life. Eventually he finds himself in the Future he has never seen, sitting in front of a proto-campfire with his Future son, Zane Figiam. This is a pivotal moment in Velocity Gnome's life -- the night when he was called off to duty, leaving his son alone in the woods, defenseless against a ruthless pack of Cybears. But before that, it was a quiet moment between father and son, where a young man expresses his conflicted feelings of abandonment...through song.


Having trouble viewing the video? Click here to watch on YouTube.

Listen to the original mp3 written by Totally Radd!!
Below are the lyrics from Zane's song "Father, Don't Bother":

Father, don’t bother, I understand

You have things to do you’re an important man

Father I get it, no need to explain

Some duties you just have to do you’re not the one to blame

But listen Dad, I’m mad, and I just want you to know

A boy just can’t learn sports unless a football is thrown

Look Dad just listen closely this is hard for me to say

I want to make you proud when I grow up some day

But I don’t think I can do it, I don’t think I’m the one

I don’t think I possess the skills a dad teaches his son

I’m mad you couldn’t be there at my first grade talent show

I’m angry at the science fair you left to de-fend home

Father don’t bother I understand

You have things to do you’re an important man

Father I get it no need to explain

Some duties you just have to do, you’re not the one to blame

But listen Dad I’m pissed, I’m angry and I’m hurt

I may be your only son but the re-sis-tance comes first

My little heart is breaking, you’re filling it with scorn

If you didn’t really want me, then why was I born?

Father don’t bother I understand… you have things to do… you’re an im-porrrr-tant maaaaaannnn….

[song end]

This was Kolin's chance to win back his son's love and admiration before it is ever lost. It was also designed to show Kolin that there is good in Zane if he looks deep enough.

There is way more about the rock opera to talk about, so for now I'll just leave you with a piece of it. The links below are excerpts from Part Two (the part after Kolin arrived) of the final script. Scene 1 is Velocity Gnome's entrance, where he meets the players, learns the stakes, and the real excitement begins. Scene 4 is the campfire scene featuring the mega-hit ballad "Father, Don't Bother".

Download rock opera script Part 2, Scene 1: "Enter Velocity Gnome"

Download rock opera script Part 2, Scene 4: "Zane campfire"

You'll notice that even though Kolin never saw the script, we wrote in "filler" lines for him, trying to predict what he'd say in response to things like "I love you, father. Why did you leave me?" and "Prepare to die, Gnome!!"

I'll eventually post the entire script on here, but I'd like to have a chance to focus on stories from each scene rather than throw it all out there at once. Leave a comment or send me a message if there's a particular scene you'd like to see next.

Trial Two and the Zangief Magic Eye

For the Gnome's Minneapolis quest during Year Two, we planned out a grand adventure ahead of time. Complex as the final product became, it was originally envisioned as an even longer-term event of an even more epic scale. Some alternate agendas for the weekend included inviting Kolin to an abandoned warehouse to fight off people in robot suits, staging a fake hijacking on the cross-country bus he was on, and trapping him in a haunted mansion with only his guidebook from the future to see him through the night. Budget constraints proved restricting, however.

In the end, we took Year Two as an opportunity to construct a series of puzzles that we, were we in Kolin's position, would like to try to solve ourselves. We really liked the idea that people from the Future, tasked with creating a series of "trials" for someone in the early 2000s, would do their homework and try to relate those tests to the appropriate time period. For example, let's say I'm from the distant Future. What do I think the "primitive" people of 2003 consider the height of technology? A TI-82 calculator, of course! What's the most popular visual medium of the day? Why, it must be these curious "Magic Eye" puzzles! Surely, these are the most relevant ways to communicate our message, I would say, twirling my Cy-beard.

Both the TI-83 calculator and the magic eye puzzles were made by a long-time acquaintance, one Mark Newman. Newman has a knack for...unique technical skills, so naturally we turned to him when we needed a Magic Eye puzzle made entirely out from images of Street Fighter II's Russian wrestler, Zangief. Pictures of Zangief were a common occurrence throughout the entire project; "Zane Figiam", Kolin's son from the future, was an anagram of "I am Zangief".

This is the original file used to as part of the Second Trial. Kolin brought home the print-out included in his Trial clue and put a scan on his site, but many internet viewers have commented that it's hard to spot the hidden image on a scan of print-out. If you're one of these people, your long wait is finally over: this original image is much easier. But unless you grew up in Minneapolis driving past Cedar Lake all the time, you probably have no idea what the hidden image is.

SPOILERS AHEAD! It's the "Loch Ness" sculpture next to Cedar Lake in Minneapolis: http://www.ackerberg.com/art/stillman-lochness.html
The clue leading to Trial Three was cleverly hidden under the Loch Ness, as seen in this original video where Gnome and Shags uncover it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbet3XySpb8

The underlying lesson of "Trial Two" was that Zangief (Zane Figiam) was guiding the Velocity Gnome to the site of the very first robot to gain sentience (the "Loch Ness" sculpture), leading to the inevitable Robocalypse. Kolin was to witness a tragic irony first-hand: even though this robot was to become the genesis of humanity's downfall, mankind would be helpless to stop it, for it is a piece of art -- and of course you can't destroy art; that's censorship!! Ah, the hubris of the human race!

I'm pretty sure Kolin appreciated that nuance.

The Year Two audio tape

One of the more titillating bits dangling in Kolin's Future Shock blog is the mention of an audio recording of the entire Year Two journey in Minneapolis.

When planning that adventure, we wracked our brains to come up with an idea of how to document what was surely to be an epic event. Of course we'd have some friends follow the Gatekeeper, Gnome, and Shags in a separate car and film the proceedings, but that would miss the first-hand experience Kolin was having. We tossed around the idea of hidden cameras and went to great lengths to try and figure out how to get Shags (played by me) to wear a "wire" and record everything said during the day.

In the end, Dylan had the genuinely inspired idea to simply provide a video camera to the heroes for each stop in Minneapolis ("To document your journey, Gnome.") and leave a running tape recorder in the Gatekeeper's car, in plain sight ("For evaluation in the Future, Gnome."). With Shags there to "play along" too, Gnome didn't really have a reason to argue. Beforehand, I was convinced Kolin would do his damnedest to take the video and audio tapes at the end of the ride, if only to show his friends back home that It-Really-Happened, and he may have too, if we hadn't ended the day in the safest way possible: Gatekeeper and Zane Figiam drive Kolin back to the airport, answering questions, praising Kolin as "my future liege", and kindly explaining that the documentation will need to remain behind, for the good of the Future. The Gnome, good sport that he is, didn't question it and left with only enough evidence for the internet to be really, really skeptical (so what else is new).

Even though the Gatekeeper stopped recording whenever we were out of the car at a "Trial", the audio tape clocks in at 3 full hours of goodness. And a great deal of that goodness is dead air (believe me, there's only so much improvising one can do in a tense/awkward situation like this).

The first half of the tape is a lot of Kolin and Shags (me, acting like I'm "some guy who got delivered a strange book just like you") sharing their excitement and concerns about the proceedings and conversing with the enigmatic Gatekeeper. Fun fact I'll save the back-story for in another post: the Gatekeeper was essentially "hired" the day before and wasn't entirely up-to-speed on just what we were doing and what Future mythos we had already created. Nonetheless, he handled the whole day brilliantly, answering Kolin's questions cryptically and concocting some pretty strange, entertaining tales about Life In The Future.

The second half is mostly Kolin, the Gatekeeper, and Zane Figiam (Dylan), on the way back to the airport after thwarting the evil plans of Maggie Hark. I find this to be some of the funniest weirdness I've ever heard. I've posted 3 short clips below from this second half, and I'll post the whole thing if people express interest in hearing it. As you listen, keep in mind that:

• This is the first time Zane (Dylan) and the Gatekeeper had ever met in person or spoken to Kolin, and at this point Kolin had just been threatened with a phaser (set to kill!) by a double-crossing Shags in the middle of the woods.
  
• Gatekeeper was only just brought on board for his role two days before.
• They were both pretending to be members of the Robot Resistance from the Future in front of a complete stranger.
• Everything was improvised -- there was no "script" written for the car ride. All we knew was that Zane was to explain that Kolin had sent him from the Future to train him for the coming Robocalypse, and to explain who Maggie Hark was.
• It's not like we'd done anything like this ever before in our lives.
• Kolin isn't an actor, he has no idea who we are, and he's just had the strangest day of his life.
  

Clip 1: Zane begins to explain the Trials
Click to listen to Clip 1

ZANE

Now of course, you set up these trials for yourself, with much precision. The first trial, of course, was to conquer your fear of robots. How did this trial go?

GNOME

We had a hard time locating the robot, originally. We went into a…upholstery store, I believe, and there were no robots there so we decided it must’ve been a mistake, and we went into the Chuck-E…Cheese?

ZANE

Ah, yes. Glory be the name of Chuck-E!

GNOME

There were several robots there, as it turns out. However, most of them did not have clothes. The one that did was hidden…

ZANE
Mmm…they do like to cloak. Robots are a wily breed.

Clip 2: Apologies
Click to listen to Clip 2

GATEKEEPER

I can see a mental growth in the Gnome…

ZANE

Yes, already. It is keen.

GATEKEEPER

(continued)

…over the last day. Truly, you are evolving into your destiny, my Gnome.

ZANE

Glory day.

GNOME

I must apologize for the inconvenience I caused with regards to my mode of transportation to you in the first place.

ZANE

No, no, no. My liege, no need. No need. The future…the future holds no cost to preventing the apocalypse.

GATEKEEPER

We are the ones who owe you the apology, sire.

ZANE

Yes, truly.

What a quaint, primitive hipster village.

GATEKEEPER
I have seen nothing like it in my years.

Note: The "quaint, primitive hipster village" Zane refers to is Uptown Minneapolis. It's an apt description.

Clip 3: The Gnome's Future Wit
Click to listen to clip 3

GATEKEEPER

I was telling the Gnome earlier- I was earlier regaled with his wit from the future…

ZANE

Ah, yes.

GATEKEEPER

(continued)

…as it will truly blossom.

ZANE

Ha! It is true. You’re quite a witty man, Gnome. Growing up, you hear stories, but it’s- it’s quite amazing to meet you, in the past.

GNOME

I thought we were associates in the future.

ZANE

Oh yes, but…you look nothing like you do in the future. Ah…amazing man. Had a trendy mustache for a good while.

GNOME

(laughs)

ZANE

Yes, I too found it comical, but you have quite the sense of humor, Gnome.

GATEKEEPER

You truly lift the spirits of those around you, my liege.

ZANE
Yes. Yes!

This last clip was actually the original inspiration for the Velocity Gnome comic (more on that later).

Where you are

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there.

This blog is a behind-the-scenes account of "The Future Shock", otherwise known as the Velocity Gnome Saga, a real-life, 3-year cross-country adventure spanning time and space. Ever seen the Michael Douglas movie "The Game"? It's like that, but with more robots (and less Michael Douglas).

If you haven't heard of Velocity Gnome, I encourage you to check out www.TheFutureShock.com, a full account written by the man who experienced it all first-hand. I've also uploaded some videos of the Saga to YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/hobone

The entries above will be behind-the-scenes stories from one of the creators of the project (me). Original scripts, plans, brainstorms, scrapped ideas, stories, pictures, songs...the stuff Kolin Pope never saw. I hope it inspires you to create your own crazy adventure -- or at least entertains you.