When planning that adventure, we wracked our brains to come up with an idea of how to document what was surely to be an epic event. Of course we'd have some friends follow the Gatekeeper, Gnome, and Shags in a separate car and film the proceedings, but that would miss the first-hand experience Kolin was having. We tossed around the idea of hidden cameras and went to great lengths to try and figure out how to get Shags (played by me) to wear a "wire" and record everything said during the day.
In the end, Dylan had the genuinely inspired idea to simply provide a video camera to the heroes for each stop in Minneapolis ("To document your journey, Gnome.") and leave a running tape recorder in the Gatekeeper's car, in plain sight ("For evaluation in the Future, Gnome."). With Shags there to "play along" too, Gnome didn't really have a reason to argue. Beforehand, I was convinced Kolin would do his damnedest to take the video and audio tapes at the end of the ride, if only to show his friends back home that It-Really-Happened, and he may have too, if we hadn't ended the day in the safest way possible: Gatekeeper and Zane Figiam drive Kolin back to the airport, answering questions, praising Kolin as "my future liege", and kindly explaining that the documentation will need to remain behind, for the good of the Future. The Gnome, good sport that he is, didn't question it and left with only enough evidence for the internet to be really, really skeptical (so what else is new).
Even though the Gatekeeper stopped recording whenever we were out of the car at a "Trial", the audio tape clocks in at 3 full hours of goodness. And a great deal of that goodness is dead air (believe me, there's only so much improvising one can do in a tense/awkward situation like this).
The first half of the tape is a lot of Kolin and Shags (me, acting like I'm "some guy who got delivered a strange book just like you") sharing their excitement and concerns about the proceedings and conversing with the enigmatic Gatekeeper. Fun fact I'll save the back-story for in another post: the Gatekeeper was essentially "hired" the day before and wasn't entirely up-to-speed on just what we were doing and what Future mythos we had already created. Nonetheless, he handled the whole day brilliantly, answering Kolin's questions cryptically and concocting some pretty strange, entertaining tales about Life In The Future.
The second half is mostly Kolin, the Gatekeeper, and Zane Figiam (Dylan), on the way back to the airport after thwarting the evil plans of Maggie Hark. I find this to be some of the funniest weirdness I've ever heard. I've posted 3 short clips below from this second half, and I'll post the whole thing if people express interest in hearing it. As you listen, keep in mind that:
- This is the first time Zane (Dylan) and the Gatekeeper had ever met in person or spoken to Kolin, and at this point Kolin had just been threatened with a phaser (set to kill!) by a double-crossing Shags in the middle of the woods.
- Gatekeeper was only just brought on board for his role two days before.
- They were both pretending to be members of the Robot Resistance from the Future in front of a complete stranger.
- Everything was improvised -- there was no "script" written for the car ride. All we knew was that Zane was to explain that Kolin had sent him from the Future to train him for the coming Robocalypse, and to explain who Maggie Hark was.
- It's not like we'd done anything like this ever before in our lives.
- Kolin isn't an actor, he has no idea who we are, and he's just had the strangest day of his life.
Click to listen to Clip 1
ZANE
Now of course, you set up these trials for yourself, with much precision. The first trial, of course, was to conquer your fear of robots. How did this trial go?
GNOME
We had a hard time locating the robot, originally. We went into a…upholstery store, I believe, and there were no robots there so we decided it must’ve been a mistake, and we went into the Chuck-E…Cheese?
ZANE
Ah, yes. Glory be the name of Chuck-E!
GNOME
There were several robots there, as it turns out. However, most of them did not have clothes. The one that did was hidden…
ZANE
Mmm…they do like to cloak. Robots are a wily breed.
Clip 2: Apologies
Click to listen to Clip 2
GATEKEEPER
I can see a mental growth in the Gnome…
ZANE
Yes, already. It is keen.
GATEKEEPER
(continued)
…over the last day. Truly, you are evolving into your destiny, my Gnome.
ZANE
Glory day.
GNOME
I must apologize for the inconvenience I caused with regards to my mode of transportation to you in the first place.
ZANE
No, no, no. My liege, no need. No need. The future…the future holds no cost to preventing the apocalypse.
GATEKEEPER
We are the ones who owe you the apology, sire.
ZANE
Yes, truly.
What a quaint, primitive hipster village.
GATEKEEPER
I have seen nothing like it in my years.
Note: The "quaint, primitive hipster village" Zane refers to is Uptown Minneapolis. It's an apt description.
Clip 3: The Gnome's Future Wit
Click to listen to clip 3
(laughs)
ZANE
Yes. Yes!
Clip 3: The Gnome's Future Wit
Click to listen to clip 3
GATEKEEPER
I was telling the Gnome earlier- I was earlier regaled with his wit from the future…
ZANE
Ah, yes.
GATEKEEPER
(continued)
…as it will truly blossom.
ZANE
Ha! It is true. You’re quite a witty man, Gnome. Growing up, you hear stories, but it’s- it’s quite amazing to meet you, in the past.
GNOME
I thought we were associates in the future.
ZANE
Oh yes, but…you look nothing like you do in the future. Ah…amazing man. Had a trendy mustache for a good while.
GNOME
ZANE
Yes, I too found it comical, but you have quite the sense of humor, Gnome.
GATEKEEPER
You truly lift the spirits of those around you, my liege.
ZANE
Yes. Yes!
This last clip was actually the original inspiration for the Velocity Gnome comic (more on that later).
